March 6th

     Well we set Amaya's surgery date, for you guessed it, March 6, 2012.  When Dr. Nelson's nurse called last Wednesday to schedule Amaya's surgery my heart tightened.  I feel like the past six months have flown by and we've been in survival mode. The thought of two surgeries within a ten month time frame seems so rushed and hectic.  Josh and I had been discussing it with Amaya and trying to decide when is the best time to have it scheduled.  Her surgeon said that there was no benefit to doing it now or waiting until spring. He said to plan for the "best" time for us since it will be so time consuming (weekly and bi-weekly follow-up appointments, daily physical therapy). Our first thought was to do it in October when Amaya goes off track for the first time.  Then we thought about March, during her second off track session.  Although both times had some pros and cons (weather, giving her time to adjust to her new school, new routines, the thought of the new surgery, giving us all time to recover, etc.) we decided to go ahead and wait until March.  This will allow her time to adjust to her new school, participate in the Nutcracker ballet, and enjoy part of her first year of school.
     This has been such a tough decision for us. Part of me wishes that we didn't have a say in it, that her doctor would say this is the day were doing it, then we would just deal with it. But having to decide to schedule a surgery for your child (it would be so much easier if it were one of us having the surgery) is not easy. Is there really a "good" time? How about never?  Although I know that Amaya will benefit from the surgery, I do not want her to suffer. How do you answer her when she asks, "Mom, will it hurt?" The answer is yes, it will hurt, it will be uncomfortable, it will be frustrating, and time consuming and challenging for you and us, but you will do it and do excellent.  It's hard trying to explain all of this to a five year old.
     The best we can do is prepare ourselves and her. We've begun to show her pictures of other kids in their fixators, of them at physical therapy, and after surgery.  We remind her that we love her and will help her thru the whole process and that she's not in this alone.  Which she always responds with a sincere "thank you, Mom."  I know that she will do fine, but my heart just wants to protect her from any pain. That's one of the hardest parts of motherhood, not being able to keep your child from pain.
   But this morning as I called Dr.Nelson's nurse to schedule the surgery I was calm and at ease. I know it will all work out.  Amaya will do great. She will be better because of the surgery.
    The date may change though, since he hasn't scheduled his vacation times that far in advance yet. We're in the books for that date, but may need to adjust it to accommodate his vacation. His nurse says that he usually takes a three week mission trip in the spring, and she didn't have those dates yet.   But, we will just deal with it when the time comes.