Chocolate pudding

    Saturday night when Josh was helping Amaya to go to bed she started talking to him about her fears about her upcoming surgery. She told him about the stuff she's afraid of, dreading and the bad things about it. Josh talked her through it all. I was asleep with Lidie in her room. She caught a cold that day and woke me up very early. And I wanted to help her have a good night and give her her inhaler as needed throughout the night. So I was asleep when Josh and Amaya talked, but was glad that she opened up to him and he was there to talk her through it all.
    Amaya told Josh that she's really dreading the IV. She's never been a fan of them. By now she knows what they will feel like and what to expect, but that doesn't seem to calm her nerves. Amaya told Josh that she's afraid and about how bad it was to have another surgery. He helped her remember all the good things she has and all the good about her situation. For example that her surgeries have all been successful, that she hasn't had any major complications, that she's made new friends, that she's got such a great surgeon, etc. He also reminded her to talk to him or I when she has those thoughts so that she doesn't hold them inside. So far she's doing good with that. But, we've noticed that she's being a bit sassy with us and with Lidie. Josh reminded her that when she's stressed she tends to take it out on people, but it isn't fair. Especially to Lidie who doesn't quite understand all that yet and who also has stress and fear with each surgery. Josh had Amaya think of a treat to enjoy in the mean time to keep her distracted and thinking positively. She chose chocolate pudding cups. That makes me smile.
    Yesterday we went out and bought some chocolate pudding. And first thing this morning I caught her sneaking a cup. She had already had some toast, so I didn't scold her. Rather just reminded her that they're hers to enjoy and share with her sister. We got some to share, but Amaya thinks we might be needing more.
   I've also been dealing with a bit of stress and emotions with the upcoming surgery. I called last week to follow up with the referral to make sure that everything was in place for the fifteenth. As of Friday the paper work hasn't been submitted to Amaya's primary doctor or processed. I'll be following up on that this week to make sure its all taken care of. Wish me luck with all the referral, calls, emails and paperwork. Thank goodness we have Marilou on our side, she's been working to help track down the paper work and get it taken care of. I also feel a lot of pain and sadness; seeing Amaya dealing with fear and pain is heartbreaking. That's one of the reasons I decided to write this post today; to vent out my feelings and process it all in my own way. Sharing it with family and friends who care about us helps comfort me. So thank you all. Thank you for your continued support, love, kind words, and messages. They mean the world to us.