Less than a month to go

Yesterday Amaya let me know that we are less than a month away from her surgery. I just looked and today is exactly four weeks away from her scheduled surgery date. I had been so focused on trying to get her MRI scheduled that I lost track of time. I think thats a pretty good thing. Amaya said she wants get it over with and feels ready. That's huge! I think having a good mindset heading into surgery and into a lengthening process is so important. 

As for me I'm feeling good, for now. I'm prepared (mostly), optimistic and ready to get her some relief. I've secured care for Lidie and Cocoa (our chubby cat), and made travel arrangements. That was the most important thing to do. I've got checkmarks next to most of my to-do list for the trip. I've received help and advice from so many and will continue to do so. That is a wonderful feeling.

I'll be honest it hasn't been completely easy. Around November I was all kinds of emotional. I felt many things; sad, worried, frustrated but mostly overwhelmed. Not knowing what was to come. Even though it's similar, it's different in many ways. Its new and unknown; and it is very hard to prepare for the unknown. Where do you even begin? I was searching for what to expect and found many short videos and a few pages with info. Lots of bits and pieces of information but nothing comprehensive or tangible. Thankfully another PFFD mama reached out and we had a phone call that answered many of my questions and helped me know what's to come. Her son is close to Amaya's age and he had his Precise lengthening about a year ago. Her information as invaluable. 

Toward the end of the month Josh and I realized we were staying close to home and kind of in our own little bubble. It felt like we were "cocooning." We were doing nothing but trying to just get by. Managing life; work and school, and kids, and all of life is challenging then adding this extra thing felt like too much. We were managing but anything "extra" or that felt extra, even the good and fun stuff, felt like too much. We cocooned ourselves to protect ourselves. The problem with any barrier is that it keeps everything out. Even if it was meant to keep the tough stuff out it also keeps the good stuff out. We weren't venting or sharing or reaching out or allowing friends to take care of us. 

After allowing myself time to feel my feelings and making time to stop, decompress and recover then I was able to reach out to friends, and move on. Friends are wonderful! How they can love on you, help you and support you in a non-judgmental way is amazing! I also decided to live in the moment and practice mindfulness to help manage myself stress. They both helped and have helped me get through the MRI nightmare. 

So with less than a month to go my plan is to continue to take care of myself and our family, reach out as needed, finish the last minute preparations and keep up with self-care.