Yesterday we went to Amaya's school for an awards assembly. She received three awards; an accelerated reader award (she read 1,849 words), the scholastic achievement award, and the Principal's award (for getting such high marks on her report card). She was so proud and happy that her aunt, grandparents and us were there to cheer her on. She's doing so good in school, which is nice, that way we don't have to worry about her falling behind or missing too much school.
After the assembly Lidie went with her aunt and I stayed to talk with Amaya's class about her upcoming surgery and her fixator. Mrs. Griessbach and I had made arrangements several weeks ago so that she and the class could see pictures of a fixator and be prepared when Amaya returns to class. I talked to the class about how what makes us all similar is that we all have differences (what makes Amaya different is her leg). Then read two books (The boy who grew flowers and Imagine...amazing me) then showed them pictures of Amaya after her last surgery and of other kids in fixators. The kids were, sweet, attentive, concerned and kind. They offered to take care of Amaya and help her as needed. They thanked me for the books and really seemed to enjoy them. I gave them time to ask questions; they ranged from curious to concerned. They asked how Amaya would put pants on, if she could walk with a fixator, if it would hurt, if she'll be able to run, would she always be in a wheelchair, could they help push her,etc.. I'm thankful for the time Mrs. Griessbach gave me with the class; there was plenty of time to answer all their questions and prepare them for what's to come. When they left to PE I was able to talk with Mrs. Griessbach and Ms. Gillespie (the first grade teacher that Amaya goes to each day for several hours). They looked at pictures of fixators and felt "more comfortable" after seeing them and talking with me. They both suggested that when Amaya returns to school that I also go to the first grade class and talk with them. They also suggested that I plan to stay with Amaya for the first couple of days after she returns to school (which I will). I appreciate their love, concern and all the time and thought they put into Amaya.
As we left Amaya received lots of hugs and well wishes. I'm so thankful for the loving community at her school. As we drove to go pick up Lidie, we got about one block away, when the tears started. Then it was sobbing. Sweet little Amaya was crying and saying "I'm not ready for my surgery." I tried to comfort her, but she just kept crying. She said "I'm not six and a half, you said we would wait until I was six and a half, I'm not ready." I told her that she was six and a half now, and that she was ready. At this point I had to fight my tears back. Regardless of how painful it was to see her in so much pain, I knew that if I lost it, she would too. I pulled over into a Ralph's parking lot. I hugged her tight, kissed her and told her that it was okay to be scared, sad and frustrated. I thanked her for sharing her feelings with me. I looked into her sweet green eyes and told her that she was ready, Dr. Nelson knew it, we knew it. I told her that she didn't know how much strength was inside of her. I told her that she didn't have to do it alone, that Josh and I would help her. And that she had many friends, teachers, and family members to help as needed. She would compose herself for a second then let out a shriek and more tears. Ugh, I can't explain how painful this was to watch. I told her to have a good cry; that it was good for her and that we all needed them every once in awhile (heck I had one a week ago). I kept reassuring her. After a few minutes she took a deep breath then said "Okay, I get it. I'm ready. Let's go get Lidie and dad and go home."
As we drove to get Lidie, I played a play list she liked and then she got distracted (the power of music). On the ride home with Lidie she asked Lidie "can we hold hands? I'm sad." And they did. Once we got home they started playing. But, then Amaya wrote me a note in my journal. It says "Dear Mom. I'm not ready for my sergerea. Ha. from:Amaya To:Mamma" Ugh. I held her tight, reassured her again. Then she went off to play.
After Josh came home I went to get a massage from my mother in law. Which was so relaxing. Thanks again, Elaine. When I came home I found them all in bed. Amaya was reading bedtime stories to Lidie. It was so sweet. When I tried to put Lidie to bed she had a hard time falling asleep (which is kind of unusual for her). She started crying and rambling on about the tornado she saw on the news and how Stitch was unkind to a baby. She sobbed. I got up and rocked her like I did when she was a baby. I let her sleep in our bed, then she fell asleep. Amaya stayed up with Josh reading, and playing a game on the iPad.
When I took Amaya down to bed she said she wasn't ready for her surgery. I told her all she needed to do know was get her PJ's on, and she did. Again she said "I'm not ready." I told her that all she needed to do was lay down and rest and that we would just take things one step at a time. She fell asleep quickly as I rubbed her leg. But as I got up to leave she grabbed my hand and mumbled "mama, don't go...my surgery." I sat with her longer and rubbed her hand. When I got up again, she stayed asleep.
Keep my sweet girl in your thoughts; she needs strength, comfort and reassurance.