All appointments are finally set

     I just got off the phone with the anesthesia department and set up Amaya's pre-op appointment. As you know by now her surgery is set for March 6th. Her pre-op appointment with Dr. Nelson is March 1st at 10 am then at noon she has her pre-op appointment with the anesthesia department (wow, I just realized that's a month away). It'll be a busy, back to back kind of day. The schedule is  similar to the one we had last year. We'll meet with Dr. Nelson; he'll take x-rays, measurements, and answer any questions.  After that we'll probably have lunch at the cafeteria at the faculty medical offices (Amaya is looking forward to the yummy veggie food) then head down the street for her pre-anesthesia appointment. They'll take blood (which she handles like a champ!), measure her, weigh her, get a medical history and ask tons of questions. This appointment takes about and hour and a half. After that we'll be exhausted and meet Lidie for frozen yogurt. She'll be with her grandparents up until that point. We don't' know what time her surgery will be (we won't know that until the day before), but we do know that it will be longer than the last one. Her super knee procedure took about two hours and this one will be about four to five hours. We'll know more when we have our pre-op appointments.
    I have a great deal of nerves. Not overwhelming stress, which is great but, a constant low level of nerves. People keep asking me how I'm doing and all I can honestly say is "fine", and "good."  As I told my mother-in-law this morning, "I don't have the luxury of feeling all the emotions." I'm not sure if that makes much sense. Let me try to explain. It's just that there are so many feelings involved in preparing for such a difficult surgery, especially when it's for your child. I have felt all of these feelings at varying degrees and at different times over the past few years and especially these past ten months after we scheduled the surgery. At this point we have to get ready and don't really have time to be overcome by emotion. I don't feel like it would be beneficial for Amaya to have her mom be an emotional wreck right now, or Lidie for that matter. I feel like we're at the point where we just have to do, and be what's needed. It'll probably be this way for quite some time. I guess that's why they call it survival mode; you focus on what's needed to survive and throw out everything else. Now that's not say that I've shut out all my emotions; I don't have the power to do that nor is it healthy. At times when I do feel emotions I try to acknowledge them and "feel" them then move on. Sometimes they're of grief, despair, pride, love, hope, sadness, a feeling of powerless, and wondering how in the heck we're going to survive.  My amazing girls, my loving supportive husband, along with family and friends will see us thru what lies ahead. Wish us luck, were gonna need it.